Surprises

Dear Emmett,

I had a lot of expectations and assumptions going into this whole having-a-baby thing. You have pretty much shattered every single one.

-I expected it to take a long time for us to even conceive you, but once I got my issues straightened out, it took no time at all: it was the very first time I had ovulated in YEARS that I got pregnant.

-I never expected the roller coaster of pregnancy to be QUITE so crazy: from a few miscarriage scares in the first weeks to the craziness of appendicitis at week 10 to feeling the healthiest I’ve ever felt in my life, it was quite the ride.

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-I obviously did not expect to have a c-section. This is well-documented. I was expecting to get to experience at least one contraction.

-I expected you to be bald. And funny-looking. Because, let’s be honest, most babies are pretty funny-looking. But… you’re beautiful. Really. You have a gorgeous head of strawberry-blonde hair, big blue eyes, a perfect little nose. I don’t know how we did it. And if our friends, families, and strangers on the street are to be believed, this is not just a mother’s biased opinion here. You are gorgeous.

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-Nobody told me how LOUD infants are. Your grunts, squeaks, snorts and sighs kept me awake (and nervous) those first few weeks. Now at the 2-month mark I’ve finally figured out which sounds I can ignore, and which indicate actual distress.

-Speaking of sleep, I did not expect to deal well with sleep deprivation. Up until you arrived, I was the kind of person who really needed her 7-9 hours a night. And then, somehow, you arrive and require attention every 90 minutes or so, and it’s fine. I can get 4 hours of sleep broken up in 45-minute chunks and continue to function the next day. I don’t know how, it just works.

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-I expected everything to change. And yes, life is very different. But I’m still me. I’m just ALSO a mom. I still do most of the same things I always did, just with you strapped to my chest. Your dad is still himself, he’s just ALSO your dad. Our lives haven’t gotten constrained or smaller, we haven’t needed to trade off or sacrifice the way I expected we might. Instead, our capacity for fun, for laughs, for love, has expanded about a hundredfold. I wasn’t expecting that to be the case. But I’m glad it is.

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3 responses to “Surprises

  1. I love everything about this post. Especially the part about sleep deprivation – it gives me some hope. I’m so happy your experience has turned out to be wonderful, even if it is not at all what you expected.

    Also, I’m not that shocked you made an adorable baby, look how gorgeous you look moments after major abdominal surgery!

  2. Catching up on blogs… I love this! And Emmett is a particularly gorgeous baby. Isn’t how crazy how everything is not what you expect and yet still just fine or even better?

  3. You have such an insanely adorable baby!!

    I’m terrified of the sleep deprivation, and that you survived it feels like a weight off.

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